Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
