He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
