Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
