I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
