sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
