Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My hand turned me down
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
