I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
