I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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