I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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