I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
