if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
