That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
