She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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