mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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