Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
