ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
