I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So vagazzling was a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
