Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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