is your mom at the bar?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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