I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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