Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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