I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Boobs speak an international language.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
