lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize