The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
