Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
