happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
