Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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