of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize