It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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