I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
