did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
