Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
