dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
