Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this just has baby written all over it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
