she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
