so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
