I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
