I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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