The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
