Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
