I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize