Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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