I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
