if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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