My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
