Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
