I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
