Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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