You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
