just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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