upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize