You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize