Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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