just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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