Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I did not marry a roomba.
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