I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
