Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
