By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
