A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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