My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
