This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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