Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize