i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
