is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
