Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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