I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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