She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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