I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
